


This Is the End

by icandrawamoth



Category: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Break Up, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Multi, Original Character(s), Polyamory, Sad, the JFO Discord made me do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:41:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21801103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icandrawamoth/pseuds/icandrawamoth
Summary: Three boys were in a relationship on Bracca. Only two escaped. This is the fallout.
Relationships: Cal Kestis/Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	This Is the End

Cal's heart is breaking as he watches Fen lift his bag and prepare to leave the _Stinger Mantis_ for the last time. “This is really it?” he asks, hearing the desperation, the denial, in his own voice. “After everything?”

He half expects his boyfriend – _former_ boyfriend – to avoid his gaze, but Fen looks right at him when he says, “You know it is, Cal.”

“I love you.” Desperation again. It won't change anything, but he has to say it one more time.

“Love can't fix everything,” Fen says evenly. “It's like your Force: it can do so many things, even some that seem like miracles, but it's not magic.”

He doesn't return Cal's sentiment, and that cuts deeper than he could ever have prepared for. Cal could stand them being separated by circumstance if he knew he still held his heart on some level, but to have lost him completely...

“I fell in love with you on Bracca,” Fen tells him. “I fell in love with the quiet, hardworking rigger who climbed like nobody's business and had this sweet smile I couldn't resist.” He swallows, voice going rougher. “Then there was Natolo. The way he defended anyone who needed it, especially you. His idealism, his optimism. I thought I'd have to choose, but then a miracle – the three of us were perfect together.”

Fen's hands are shaking now, but it's anger more than grief. Cal can feel it rising in him like it has so many times before when they've tried to have this conversation.

“You aren't the man I fell in love with. Natolo died never knowing who you really are. I think about how he died trying to protect you from that Inquisitor, even though you didn't need it, and how you just _let_ him, and I can't even look at you.”

A physical hole ripped in Cal's chest would be less painful. Fen's words are true. Cal revealed his power and brought the Inquisitorius to Bracca. He froze when they confronted the scrappers, letting Natolo step in front of him like he always did. His boyfriend's words of freedom and rising up had been beautiful until a red lightsaber ended them and his life and jolted Cal to action, too late. He'll never forget the smell of burned flesh and rain, Fen's scream and the shock in his eyes when Cal activated his own blade. Jedi aren't supposed to dwell in grief and regret, but Cal will carry Natolo's death to his grave.

“I'm sorry,” he whispers, the only words he can choke out.

Fen makes a frustrated noise. “And that's just it. I know you are. I know you didn't mean for it to happen. I know you loved him and that you're hurting too, but none of that _changes anything_.”

It's a roundabout conversation. There's nothing Cal can do or say to make it better, and he wouldn't like if he could. This is the end.

“This is it,” Cal says again, a statement this time.

Fen nods, the anger mostly gone now. He looks down the ramp, then hesitates. “For what it's worth,” he offers, “I support your mission. Bringing back the Jedi is what you always wanted, right?”

It's too late to protest that he can want more than one thing.

“You'll be safer away from us,” Cal says after he's taken a moment to gather himself. “I'm grateful for that.”

“I'll be able to find work as a mechanic. Settle down somewhere out of the way, avoid entanglements.” He doesn't promise to fight the good fight or offer a safe place if the _Mantis_ crew needs it or promise to see Cal again one day.

“Good luck,” Cal manages.

“Goodbye, Cal.”

No use prolonging things any further. Fen turns without so much as a hug or a handshake. Cal watches until he disappears into the bustle of the spaceport on the Mid Rim planet he'd asked to be dropped on, feeling utterly empty.

Suddenly, Greez appears at his shoulder, returned from wherever he'd been hiding to grant them privacy. “Where to next, kid?”

Cal turns away from the crowd, Fen long since gone, and finds Cere and BD-1 likewise waiting by the holomap. _Forward_ , he thinks, offering them a weak smile. It's the only way to survive.

**Author's Note:**

> The JFO Discord was talking an angsty au where Cal has two boyfriends, one of whom dies during his escape from Bracca, and one of whom goes with him. What's a little more angst on top of that?


End file.
